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TheGirl

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Journal

2/28/08

So, I had a dream 4 days ago about death. And it was me! I couldn't write a blog on that same day b/c I was far too busy studying. Anyway, this how it went. I was walking down the street on Dorchester ave. and suddenly a young man tanned with dark sunglasses started to shoot bullets in the air. I saw what he did and ran, but the next thing you know he ran after me and shot me twice on the back of my left side. I felt the pain and tremendously dropped to the ground, struggling to dial 911 but instead for some reason the number showed up as 41105 even though I dialed 911...twice. I know it's very vivid...but I can't believe I remembered my dream. Anyway, there was a little girl asking me if I was okay and I kept saying something to her and my vision started to become blurry to the point I couldn't see anymore & that's when I woke up drenched, raising heartbeat, scared from my sleep. I was shaking and couldn't go back to sleep after that. I thought to myself maybe I am stressed that's why I dreamt about death. Anyway, so I researched online to see what it means: here it goes-->

Dreams of Death

To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life.
Although such dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually mean that big changes are ahead for you. They mean you are moving onto new beginnings and leaving the past behind.

These changes do not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

So I was a little relief after reading what it means. It's either a good thing or a bad one. But yes, I do hope that I am changing for the good. I would be so depressed if I didn't past the board test. I am nervous today b/c it is in today but in the afternoon. I've been offered a great job and I wish to keep it if I pass the board test. Everything is on me and I hope faith is leading me to the right direction. I would like to make money and save save save & do the things I haven't gotten the chance to experience.

2/21/08

Artist: Band of Horses
Album: Cease to Begin
Title: No One's Gonna Love You



It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard

2/19/08


Sorry, I've been neglecting this site. I haven't update this site nearly about 2 yrs now. So far, nothing exciting is going on but just studying and focusing on my career. I must say life is boring without a loving partner but I do like the freedom of being single. It's been almost 2 yrs now and I am emotionally better(okay, I'm lying).



I'm listening to brown eyes by beyonce at the moment...that brings back memories. I always try to think about the positive things b/c I don't want to stress myself out & I shouldn't.


lately, I've been listening to slow music...it's soothing =) I do believe in faith..faith in love that is. I'm not really looking around. My life is like a set schedule for now...wake up, eat bf, and go to Kap center to study, then go home, eat dinner and study again (boring I know) but I have to, if I want to pass the board test. I'll be stress free after next week but there will a whole new chapter becoming a nurse. I honestly feel I can be a great nurse, but I am shit nervous! So much information to remember and responsibilities.


My social life...let's see...I still contact my school friends. I hung out with a few of them. And I've been contacting old friends I've lost touched with. I'm not sure if I'm depressed or not?? When you go on the train, you always see those ads that says "Have you lost interested in the things you love doing?" etc...I don't know if I am. I think I am mostly sad though even though I sugar-coated my feelings towards others. I have headaches frequently now. I feel like I don't love myself like I use to. How can I love someone else if I can't fixed my own problem. How can I think about love, when I don't even go search for one. It's because of me that's why I'm lonely. Sometimes, I feel like a lost puppy who doesn't know which direction to turn to.

I am happy for everyone who are in love. I guess everyone needs love & warmth in life. Every blog that I have read on people's page are all about love. Being in love or being in a relationship makes everyone joyful. I haven't met mine yet...not even close b/c 1st thing I'm focusing on is my career, 2nd I'm not even looking, 3rd I have people who are interested but they're not inspiring. So there, love love love!

I promised myself that if I'm still single within a few yrs or if I am not involved with anyone I'll work as a travel nurse. I always wanted to be a travel nurse but I don't know if I have the guts to do it...I only wanna try that for 1 year.


I'm getting tired...write later.